just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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