I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
