so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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