Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm bleeding and have questions
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
