i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
