She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
