Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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