You can't motorboat a personality
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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