wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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