we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Come see our sink grown plant.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
