So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
