I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize