FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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