Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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