Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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