Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
