the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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