And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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