There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
