Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize