I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
