So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
