so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
