Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
