sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
