Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
