Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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