Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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