My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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