How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
