Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
