you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
