Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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