what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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