he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
