I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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