Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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