I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
