worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize