I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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