you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
