You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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