is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
