I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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