you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize