So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize