Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
