dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
