Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
