Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
