she told me i tasted like america
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
