HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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