Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
