I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
