Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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