Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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