just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
