Do you still have your period?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
