Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
