When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
