Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
