remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
