Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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