Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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