If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
