I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
