What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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