I wish I could punch you in the face.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
