He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
