you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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