im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
