I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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