Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
