You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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