Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
