Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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